Something more
by stilljustme
Summary: post 1x12 (Under the Knife) - He fought for her to come back home to him, and now he's the one leaving... to Madrid. Shayveride moment, no slash!


**First Chicago Fire ff! I think I love Shay&Severide even more than I love Morgan&Garcia, which is a lot to say for me. The lyrics are from the song "To love you more" by Celine Dion and… well, that's all. Reviews are always welcome!**

_Don't go  
You know you'll break my heart  
She won't love you like I will  
I'm the one who'll stay  
When she walks away  
And you know I'll be standing here still_

"Shay."  
She didn't move.  
"Shay, please." The voice was much smaller now, a plea so deep that it hurt, but she still didn't move. Turning around would hurt even more.  
She forced her breath to go out quietly as she kept her eyes fixed on the lights outside. Chicago had, as most cities, abandoned the night. Somewhere someone was always awake, some club open, some house aflame… the stars had no chance to shine directly above the city, not even after midnight.

Maybe they had more power in Madrid.  
Her shoulders tensed, a reflex to stop the tears that were burning in her eyes, turning the street lamps to a golden blur. She didn't want to cry, because crying would mean acceptance, and she wasn't ready for that. Not now.

"Leslie." He was much nearer now, so close that she felt the warmth radiating from his body. Or maybe she was just being overdramatic. Shay closed her eyes before they could give her away as Kelly reached for her shoulders and gently turned her to him.  
No, she wasn't overdramatic. He was warm. Warm and familiar and proud and stupid, and he had just called her by her first name. The last time he had done that had also been the first time, when they had met in a bar seven years ago.  
Seven years. And now it should be over.  
Her breath escaping shakily now, she wrapped her arms around him, biting her lips to keep the tears from falling.  
"Don't."

They had promised to keep out of the other's business, but that promise had been broken long before the pain made Kelly risk everything.  
She couldn't keep out of his life because he was too big a part of it. He was her best friend. Her family.  
She would never love him like seemingly half Chicago did or had, but it wasn't the love for a brother either. She had no words for what they meant for each other.  
She had always assumed they didn't need a name for it – all she needed was to know it was there. Was to know that Kelly was there for her, her rock and her fallen hero, the funniest and most thoughtful man she had ever known.

"Don't go, Kelly. Just don't."

She had thought he would feel the same.

Slowly he pulled away to look into her eyes and laughed softly as she pouted to keep the tears at bay. "You are beautiful."  
Reluctantly, she laughed, too. "And you are an idiot."  
"True enough." He stroked her cheeks, then touched his forehead to hers. "I have to go, Shay. I have to move forward before all around me breaks down. Boden sent me home before he knew what was wrong, he won't have me back in Rescue Squad if I'm not a hundred percent of what I was, and I can't be that! I…" His voice, having become louder and louder in the past minutes, broke, and Shay found herself rocking him reassuringly, comforting him while her heart was breaking as well.  
"It's okay. It's okay. Even if you don't get back to Rescue Squad it doesn't mean you can't work for the department. Maybe you can go to… to…"  
"To the paramedics?" Kelly offered, trying and failing to grin.  
Shay shook her head, feeling helpless and weaker than she had even when she had been in hospital. As Kelly took her face in his hands she grabbed them, holding them tightly in place.

She needed him. However she should call it – love, friendship, family – she needed him. She loved him. And she couldn't imagine living without him.

"Running away is no solution. You are more than a firefighter. Don't give up everything you are here just because maybe one part of it won't work anymore."

Gently but firmly, he pulled their hands towards him, kissing hers before he let go. "The problem is, Leslie Shay, that you seem the only one in the world to believe that."  
"Then you should listen to me." Her voice was still weak, but her anger gave her strength. "And you should think if a woman who doesn't see more than a firefighter in you really is worth leaving everything behind!"  
_Leave me behind._

"That's enough." Kelly's voice was far from the cold hate she had learnt to fear, but the stealth in it made her shiver nevertheless. "If you want to be jealous of Renée, you have to become hetero. It will be okay" he added, calmer, "we will see each other. I will come and visit you and you'll do the same, and we'll write emails longer than that freaking novel Dawson gave you last Christmas. Okay?"

"Okay." They wouldn't, and they knew it. Shay turned back to the window, leaning her forehead against the glass.

"Hey, Leslie Shay."

She turned around to the most beautiful smile she had ever seen on a man.  
"You will always be my best friend. And I will always love you."

She forced herself to smile. "I love you too, Kelly."

_See me like you never knew  
hold me so you can't let go  
Just believe in me  
I will make you see  
all the things that your heart needs to know_

But apparently, that was not enough.


End file.
